I normally cut my own hair. I have a set of electric clippers that I bought a decade ago in Australia, and every few days I pull them out and cut the fuzzy fringe that used to be my hair.
This morning I went into the toilet to get my shower. My toilet is a small, closet-sized affair where the water from the shower simply sprays onto the floor and exits via a floor-drain in the corner.
I turned on the water and started to reach for the soap, when it occured to me that I should probably trim my hair first. So I turned off the water and went for the clippers.
I plugged in the extension cord and ran the wire in, placing the power board in the hand sink to keep it up off of the wet floor. I plugged the clippers in and turned them on… they started buzzing noisily.
I realized that I hadn’t put a plastic bag down to catch the falling hair, and without thinking I put the electric cord between my teeth to free my hands while I arranged the bag.
At that moment I had a quick flash…
Here I was naked on my toilet, with my feet on the very wet floor. The power board was in the sink, my clippers were running and the electric wire between my teeth. If I chomped down just a little too hard I could imagine the 220v electric current jolting through my body, lubricated by all the water.
It’d be days before anyone found me. Dead, bloated, naked, having electrocuted myself in my own toilet.
Needless to say, it didn’t happen, but sometimes I really do feel like Homer Simpson.
11 responses so far ↓
gavinmac // Saturday, 31 January 2009 at 1:18 pm |
“This morning I went into the toilet to get my shower.”
This was an odd turn of a phrase. Is this Australia talk?
nurseRon // Saturday, 31 January 2009 at 1:22 pm |
fucking hilarious!!! I could see where this was going. To your credit, although I’m almost certain you don’t know why, the chances of getting electrocuted due to being in an aqueous environment are not an issue. If you bite through the cord and complete the circuit, standing in fresh water will change nothing. Water alone is a poor conductor, and at 240 volts the current would be tiny. If you were in salt water (electrolytes= ions from salts and other soluble stuff) that is a very good conductor and may allow the circuit to find ground through your body in a different pathway that may involve important things like the automatism of your heart or cooking the central nervous system, etc.
// Saturday, 31 January 2009 at 3:12 pm |
gavinmac: I believe it is more Thai/Asian. In Australia I had a toilet in one room, and had to exit, turn left and enter the bathroom if I wanted a shower.
My three experiences:
US: toilet and bath in the same room, but separate areas.
Aus: toilet and bath in different rooms
Thailand: I can shower while sittting on my toilet, or take a shit while taking a shower, depending on how you want to look at it.
NRon: Thanks for that fascinating information.
Pants Elk // Saturday, 31 January 2009 at 3:59 pm |
One of the best and simplest pleasures of Being A Bloke in Thailand is the barber shop, where you can get a great cut, a shave, and a neck rub for the price of a couple of beers, while gazing myopically at some bleached-out posters of topless Thai lovelies. You leave feeling great and smelling like a Sri Lankan gay brothel. The risk of electrocution is somewhat diminished, too.
Why deny yourself this little treat?
// Saturday, 31 January 2009 at 4:43 pm |
uhhh… cause I have no hair?!
Pants Elk // Saturday, 31 January 2009 at 4:59 pm |
Details, details.
TeenageFC // Sunday, 1 February 2009 at 2:05 am |
werewolf….i’m also of the ‘cutmy own hair’ variety. Have been doing so for the last 12 years left me a set of hairdressers clippers when I was living in England.
…but to cut a long story short…..I never cut my hair in the bathroom. I go for the ‘lay a few sheets of newspaper on the floor in front of the mirrored built in wardrobe, get on all fours wearing only my boxers and start clipping’ type of thing. All the hair falls on the newspaper, the newspaper goes into the bin…no plastic…all good for the environment.
The only chance I have electricuting myself is if I gaze into my own eyes in the mirror for too long and some strange science fiction “zapp” appears out of no where and I end up spread eagled on the bedroom floor with a an eyebrow shaved off.
If you took my lead in this self cutting regime then we won’t have to worry about you topping yourself and you can continue to write and entertain us for many more years to come.
@nurseron – a curious question….so if salt water is a better conductor than normal water, what would the effect be if he was standing a pool of his own jizz when the ‘cord in mouth’ occured. I bet they never test that one out as part of quality control at the old electric factory.
nurseRon // Sunday, 1 February 2009 at 5:55 am |
@TFC; I’ll get right on it!
@WW; next week I’ll add diagrams and a brief post lesson quiz!
John Brown // Sunday, 1 February 2009 at 5:25 pm |
I think you ought to just run a double edged razor over your head every couple of showers or so. That way you can shit, shower and shave all in one sitting.
// Friday, 6 February 2009 at 12:48 am |
I ended up sleeping with my barber in Thailand.
She was a real cutie.
We still email each other.
// Saturday, 7 February 2009 at 11:28 am |
WW:
As you know, I have no hair, (too), but I always look forward to visiting a very nice little barber shop on Soi 5 called Haircut II. The real reason I go there is Khun Bee. I love the way she drags the straight razor over my neck to finish off the short hairs. She also trims my ears, nose, eyebrows — all which do grow hair on a prolific basis.
If I didn’t have a live-in GF and a favorite gik, I’d get my hair cut more often and employ my “suave” moves on Khun Bee. But that would then ruin my visits every 5 weeks once the fun ended…
It is my opinion that, (based on numerous reports), many a Western man has met his demise, or paid the ultimate sacrifice, in a Thai bathroom. Myself, last year I slipped on a wet floor, broke two ribs in my back and tore cartilage in my knee that required surgery. That was the most expensive and painful piss break I’ve encountered…